Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and the focus on love and relationships is on everyone’s mind. The idea of Valentine’s Day changed for me in 2005 when I became the mother of a daughter on Valentine’s Weekend. So instead of your traditional romantic love message, I want to share the 3 things mothers and daughter need from one another on Valentine’s Day and every day.
Mothers and Daughters Need Love
Love is the easiest and the most difficult thing to do that no one ever teaches you. From the moment, you laid eyes on your daughter and she snuggled up against your chest, you both knew love in a way you had never known it before. It was easy.
But as you both grow and mature in your relationship continuing to express that love in a way that is appreciated and understood becomes more tricky. And that is because you must learn to love the other person the way they need to be loved and not the way you want to love them.
I suggest that you use The Five Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman to assess your love languages. This assessment will give you insight to the actions, words and behaviours you can use to express the unconditional love she needs, but you never learned how to give.
Mothers and Daughters Need Support
For a mom, this means giving your daughter space to make her own decisions and choices and providing her the encouragement, resources and safe space she is seeking, without judgment. We must learn to let our daughters have their own experiences – both successes and failures – and be there supporting them physically and emotionally along the way through the process.
In this day and age of technology, we must also give our daughters the face time they want and deserve. This will sometimes require that we create the space and set the ground rules for taking breaks from technology.
For daughters, this means doing what you’ve been asked to do, when and how you’ve been asked to do it. Moms have so much more on our plates than moms of the past. We need your help to ensure it gets done and we can have peace of mind.
Mothers and Daughters Need Respect
For moms respect becomes especially difficult during tween and teen years. This is when the nature of the mother-daughter relationship begins to shift from adoration to aggravation. A daughter’s quest for independence compared to a mom’s efforts to protect and shelter her, make it difficult for us to exercise influence versus domination.
As moms, we must learn to respect our daughters as people and not just as children. And while you may not always agree with her, strive to respect her choices and her individualism.
For daughters respect is learning to disagree without being disagreeable. There are going to be times when we do not like or agree with what mom has to say. So what. Display respect anyway.
As daughters, we are not often taught why respect should be given, just that it should be given and how. As a daughter, who is now also a mother of daughters, here are three reasons I’ve learned why daughters should respect their mothers.
- Her authority: For the most part, she has the right and legal backing to parent you her way.
- Her experience: even though she may not share, she is offering you the benefit of her experience, either by protecting you from what she went through or encouraging you with the knowledge she gained.
- Her responsibility: Motherhood is the greatest responsibility she will ever hold and her success depends totally on your decisions. That’s a tremendous amount of pressure.
Comment below and let me know: what are some ways you show love, support or respect for your mother or daughter?