Going Through a Miscarriage – What Moms Wish They Knew

Going through a miscarriage

I want to preface this article by stating I haven’t gone through this personally. But I know mothers that have. This post is the result of research I did as part of an assignment and I thought that it was worth sharing here. 

Going through a miscarriage is an unfortunate event that many women have, and many more will have to endure. Every woman’s experience and subsequent grieving and recovery journey are unique to them. It can be long, short, bearable, or extremely difficult. Nonetheless, it is something that will get better with time.

As common as miscarriages are, nobody really talks about them, which is one of the reasons I wanted to touch on the topic here. The silence can make it hard to know how to process the many emotions one goes through. Because we’re so accustomed to nobody talking about it, when someone does, it can be really uncomfortable.  Just like there’s no perfect handbook on parenting, there isn’t one for going through a miscarriage. However here are some things moms wish they knew before miscarrying.

On Grieving

Grieving is a natural and expectant emotion after experiencing a miscarriage. Some may seemingly bounce back quickly, while others take a longer time to work through their emotions. It’s important and worthwhile knowing that there is no “right” way to grieve. And just as you think you’re feeling better, grief can be triggered by an event, a song, or anything really. Grieving is a process, and though that process has its ups and downs, it gradually gets better.

Losing a child is a very personal experience. However, there are a countless number of women that have experienced the same or a similar loss. Knowing that one isn’t alone can be a source of comfort as there are support groups and forums to turn to for support. (Checkout these forums on thebump.com) It’s also inevitable that present relationships will be affected in some way,  but with proper support, those changes can be positive.

Also Related: Oh Baby! – Expecting the Unexpected in Childbirth

On Recovering

Recovering from a miscarriage is more of an emotional journey than it is a physical one. Physically most women tend to recover pretty quickly. This also depends on how far along one is in the pregnancy when the miscarriage occurs. It’s the emotional recovery that’s harder to process.

Because the body is physically recovered rather quickly, getting pregnant soon again is usually not hard. For some, this might be the joy they need to move on. But for others, the rollercoaster of emotions that are common in any pregnancy, are worsened while simultaneously grieving. Self-awareness is important in the recovery process, especially if you’re considering another pregnancy.

On Sharing

There’s a reason there’s a rule of thumb not to share a pregnancy with the world until the second trimester. It’s because miscarriages are more common than we think, with the majority of them occurring in the first trimester. But because so many women don’t talk about it, many just don’t know and eagerly share the happy news as soon as they find out. When the unexpected later happens, sharing that news isn’t as easy.

Inevitably though the news needs to be shared because people’s tendency to be nosey will have them asking you anyway. Be prepared that people’s reactions will vary. Most won’t know what to say and possibly even make some dumb comments in bombed attempts to make you feel better.

Whoever you choose to tell, how you do this will vary depending on your level of comfort and how many people need to be told. Some use social media, personal phone calls, or emails to let friends and family know. As uncomfortable as it may be, telling people is more so for one’s own benefit than anyone else’s. Regardless of how people react, sharing is better than keeping emotions bottled up. At the end of the day you only need one shoulder to cry on, so find that support.

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Christine St.Vil
    February 17, 2017 at 12:43 AM

    This is definitely a hard thing. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage and it was heartbreaking (I was still in the 1st trimester). But I’ve also had friends and family who have experience miscarriages much further along (as far as 6/7 months) and my heart broke for them even more. Thank you for shedding light on this topic, Violette!

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