Yes, my husband is very anti-social. But I don’t mean that he doesn’t talk because he is very talkative to both friends and strangers alike. However, when it comes to social media in any form, my honey is just not participating. He thinks that social media is the devil reincarnated in technology form! His stance is that he doesn’t need to connect with anyone from his past, male or female. If they didn’t make it to his present, it was for good reason. I guess I understand his point but the problem is that while He is anti-social (media), I am extremely social on nearly all platforms. (As if we needed something else to disagree on! LOL)
This has been a debate in my home for years because I spend an average of 15 hours per week perusing and posting on social media. Now before you go judging me like I am wasting my life away, let me first mention this disclaimer: A lot of my business transactions happen as a result of social media. So for me, it is probably 70% business and 30% me just being in other people’s business! It is those moments that I spend sharing personal effects on Facebook or Instagram when I really wished that he was there. I hate when I see some inspiring message about marriage or love and I can’t tag or share it with him. Instead, I have to take a screenshot and text it to him. I just don’t think that it has the same effect! But since that’s our reality, I have grown to accept it and learned two great lessons about marriage in general along the way.
1) Respect his space. — My husband feels like social media is intrusive and well, like I said before, the devil! For those reasons alone, he wants no part of it. There was a time that I would try to persuade him to join at least one platform by offering all of the benefits. “It’s a great tool for networking.” “You can find new opportunities on there.” “It’s easy to stay connected with your long distance loved ones and see recent pictures of the kids.” After I was done running a 30-second ad for Facebook, nothing had changed. He didn’t want it and I needed to respect his space. When we try to force our opinions and ideologies on our husbands, it only creates tension and friction which is never good for anyone.
2) He isn’t me! — This is probably the hardest pill for me to swallow in any relationship, not just in my marriage. But the reality is that he is not me and I am not him. Part of my character is sharing and sharing with the world. It is how I connect with my audience. It is how I relate to my readers. However, that is not my husband’s M.O. and I cannot change that. I cannot expect him to act, think or respond the way that I would. In fact, those differences are some of the traits that drove us together in the first place.
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Honestly speaking, I wish I could tag his name on our anniversary post instead of just sharing a sentimental message written with “yous” instead of “hes”. Unfortunately, that is not our life so I have chosen to give him space to be his genuine self. Maybe one day he will change his perception of social media. If he doesn’t, we will just continue to share our love intimately, face to face. That’s how it should be anyway!
What have you learned in those moments of disagreement with your spouse? Do you want your spouse on social media?