Recently, I was going through my e-mails and came across an article in a newsletter that shocked me. The very first line read, “Gone are those days when people were committed to just one person for the rest of their lives. Now is the era of casual dating, live-in relationships, no strings attached and open relationships.” *Tires screeching* Um, excuse me? Clearly this person has never come across this site, or sites like Happy Wives Club, Modern Married, Married and Young, or Husband and Wife for Life amongst others. The article goes on to say, “People prefer having various options available to them at all times and see no harm in falling in love or having an affair with two or more people at the same time. Open relationships have now become a trend.” Again…excuse me? A trend for whom exactly?
Listen, I don’t doubt there are some people who believe in this lifestyle. In fact, I know there are people who do (as unfathomable as it sounds to me and maybe you too). But monogamy and honoring your ONE spouse is far from dead. Let’s not confuse a few greedy & lazy people with what the majority of us feel and believe about relationships and the sanctity of marriage. I say greedy and lazy because people who are in polyamorous or open relationships don’t have to do anything that’s required of a monogamous couple in order to sustain a healthy relationship. When things get tense, they can walk out and head over to their other boo. When they’re not getting enough in one area (whether it’s sex, attention, gifts, etc.) of one of their relationships, they can simply go and get it in the other multiple relationships they have. I mean, why spend time working out flaws, or improving communication skills when you don’t have to? When you have the freedom to come and go as you please?
Sites like this one and the ones mentioned above are proof monogamous relationships aren’t dead or going anywhere. So trying to convince me otherwise is just not going to happen, no matter how many articles pop up about the “advantages” of open relationships.
Someone recently shared on our Facebook page the following comment, which is in line with the topic of this post:
Do couples work towards improving their love for each other when things get rough, when communication is totally depleted and compromise is non existent or is it easier to just walk away and get into a relationship with someone else yet still stay married? I ask this because I see this topic get a lot of feedback that comes through my news feed on Twitter, IG and Facebook. We all know that relationships are hard and I’m sure that marriage is even harder. However an oath before GOD was taken and it specifically says…” UNTIL DEATH DO YOU PART”. Fight for it, involve GOD in it first and foremost and pray about it. Or am I just being irrational? Cheating and non communication have become so much easier that I guess fighting or should I say working to improve some issues within the marriage have become a thing of the past. Help me to understand if my values and morals of marriage are old fashioned or is marriage truly and sincerely worth working on?
We live in a society where people have gotten really lazy and expect microwave results for something that needs oven-cooked time. And what I mean by that is that it is so much easier to give up and walk away when things get hard. Or in this case, hide behind the delusion of the “perfection” of open relationships as opposed to putting in the time, effort and work it takes to build a strong and lasting relationship…with one person. Our vows don’t generally say, “I promise to love, honor and cherish all of you until death do us part”. The point of dating and getting into relationships is to lead to marriage. And marriage was intended for two people, and two people only. Sorry, but open relationships will never be okay.
If this so-called “trend” of open relationships is any indication for what people will view as the “norm”, then we have a lot more work to do. We have to continue sharing, honoring and speaking out about our beautiful and sometimes challenging but always worth it marriages. We have to continue sharing the ups and the downs, the highs and the lows. We have to continue to surround ourselves with other positive couples that are on the same mission as we are. We have to prove that monogamous relationships are here to stay.
So to the person that posed this question on Facebook, yes your values and morals on marriage are old fashioned. But that’s exactly what it’s about: fighting through our challenges and differences so we can come out victorious; so we can continue to combat these types of theories that “Gone are those days when people were committed to just one person for the rest of their lives.”
What do you have to say about this theory that monogamous relationships are a thing of the past?
This post was orginally written for & featured in BMWK.
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