Motivational Monday: Where Did Self-Love Go Wrong?

This month’s Motivational Monday posts are all about love…self-love.

Last week, my sister and I spoke at a school where we shared a presentation on some of the key topics we discuss in the book. We explained about the importance of removing the many “masks” we wear as women, and why we need to learn to keep it real before we can make room for any type of lasting transformation. We spoke about how having cultural diversity keeps things interesting, different and spicy. We also talked about figuring out, where did self-love go wrong?

I shared a story of a young girl who didn’t grow up understanding or knowing what self-love was. She only knew what she saw on TV and in the movies. She always had really low self-esteem, which stemmed from childhood but it tagged along with her even as she got older.

When she got into high school, she wanted so much to fit in and feel as beautiful as her friends were. She didn’t understand the danger of looking for love outside of herself. So upon entering high school, it was no surprise that she fell for an upperclassman that told her everything she wanted to hear…that she was beautiful, and (after they started dating) that he loved her. She didn’t understand that his idea of love meant taking her virginity…without her consent. She was broken. And it was only through years of learning to love herself, that she realized it was part of her journey.

Where did self-love go wrong? This is the title of chapter four in my book, Whose Shoes Are You Wearing? This was undoubtedly the hardest chapter for me to write. After dedicating this blog to all of my fellow moms out there who were struggling with self-love and self-care, I hadn’t confronted my own battle with self-love.

Twenty years later, and I thank God that I’ve learned how to truly love who I am. And I’m passing this message of self-love to my young daughters so that they know, no one can love them better than they love themselves. The power of self-love is not often taught from a young age, but it’s one of the most important life lessons we can learn. And I plan to teach them this lesson over and over again for as long as I live.

What does self-love mean to you? Did you grow up understanding what it was, or did your understanding develop over time? 

Self-love quote Oscar Wilde

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14 Comments

  • Reply
    Carin Kilby Clark
    February 9, 2015 at 9:18 AM

    I have always had a fierce love of self… unfortunately, growing up I was often called names like “conceited” and told I was “full of myself.” But I never let that take away from how much I loved me… I think it’s something that stemmed from my mother and how she adored and doted on me… that type of love is infectious… and I’ve noticed the same with my own children… no one can tell them they’re not the ish… haha.
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    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      February 9, 2015 at 11:09 PM

      Carin, I absolutely LOVE it and wish I had that problem! LOL But let me tell you, that our kids would really get along cause my girls especially are the same exact way! They tell me I’m beautiful so often it makes up for my earlier years. The beautiful thing is that they also will tell each other and complete strangers. It warms my heart 🙂

  • Reply
    Kimberly Bolden
    February 9, 2015 at 10:41 AM

    I think many of us cannot love ourselves because we do not know ourselves. Knowing ourselves takes vulnerability and a very intentional decision to go beyond the surface. Great motivator for today.
    Kimberly Bolden would like you to check out…Love Is – Day 6My Profile

    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      February 9, 2015 at 11:10 PM

      Yesssss that was so powerful Kimberly! We definitely have to learn who we are and get to that vulnerable place like you mentioned. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Reply
    Jaye@Curvatude
    February 9, 2015 at 11:46 AM

    Great topic.

    I am so fortunate that while it was not something my family even spoke of & my poor ma mere definitely had some issues with, I have for the most part always felt a great sense of who I am, which to me is the cornerstone of self love.
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    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      February 9, 2015 at 11:11 PM

      Thanks so much Jaye! I agree that knowing who you are is the cornerstone. That’s so great to know that you always felt a great sense of your identity. That’s half the battle 🙂

  • Reply
    T. Espinoza
    February 9, 2015 at 1:22 PM

    I’ve always been self assured. My momma wouldn’t have it any other way. In my younger days, there were things I’d want to change here and there but they never lasted long and never affected how I saw myself. I’ve always known that I had to love myself first before anything.
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  • Reply
    Katherine Gilbert
    February 10, 2015 at 1:50 AM

    Self love to me means accepting yourself. I believe I was taught self -love but didn't truly find it until I got older.

  • Reply
    Moms 'N Charge
    February 10, 2015 at 4:07 AM

    Accepting yourself is definitely critical! And I completely understand about not finding it until you were older. Thanks for sharing Katherine 🙂

  • Reply
    Crystal
    February 10, 2015 at 8:40 AM

    That’s a real experience! Oftentimes, young women miss out on learning what it means to love themselves that they fall for the first man who shows a bit of interest to her. Thank you for being so candid and sharing your story. Self-love to me means respect and understanding my worth as a woman. I didn’t grow up understanding it. It was developed over time. I knew my parents loved, but I didn’t really love myself until I became comfortable with who I was as a woman.
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  • Reply
    Siobhan (BeFree Project)
    February 10, 2015 at 9:30 AM

    Self love means loving myself exactly the way I am, flaws and all. It took me a look time to love myself, because I didn’t have parents in my life to show me how to truly love myself. It took a lot of mistakes and challenges along the way for me to realize my value and self worth. And now that I know, I tell my children over and over again that they have to love what they see in the mirror. Christine this was a beautiful post!

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