At no point in my life did I ever think struggles added value to anything. Being married for 14 years is not the easiest activity to participate in. I acknowledge that we haven’t been married long enough to get the Silver Anniversary Award….but we have made it farther than we or many had expected us to.
My husband and I both came from times in our lives where our paths could have crossed for a few months and easily kept moving. He had a variety of women to choose from and I was stuck on one person in particular, so those obstacles could have blocked our chances and concluded any further thoughts of a relationship, love or even marriage.
As life had its way we made the choice to give our relationship a try. We struggled and struggled some days looking for answers and many days not caring about the answers. Neither one of us had really observed a solid marriage to use as an example of the do’s and don’ts, so our journey became really unbearable at times. So unbearable that walking away took a silent walk through our minds quite often. But reconsideration often returned as we both were reminded of the many many people rooting for our success, it was hard to leave.
Also Related: Making Marriage Work – Timothy Lee And Ann Nesby
Understanding the Struggle
A large part of our struggles came from us not seeing eye to eye. We were raised differently and had different views on everything! We would NEVER listen to each other. This continued for years until we decided to try to obtain the meaning behind each other’s thoughts and views. This was a continuous ongoing battle until we learned to listen to each other. I think we also began to realize how unhealthy this behavior was and it halted our growth. Once we learned to listen to each others words, we began to find importance in our words and how we felt. We began to find the value in each other.
Although it seemed like it took a lifetime, we finally stopped blocking out each other’s words and began to listen to each other. What we found was amazing! We each were making sense. Our statements, comments, and responses had meaning that held value in our disagreements.
The more we took the time to really listen we found that most of the time we had been saying the same thing, but just a different way. We also found out at times we would partially agree with each other … and that was ok for us.
We discovered that we were not twins and we were not going to feel and think the same way at times…and that was acceptable and had to be respected. We realized our differences were what made us who we were both independently and as a couple. We discovered that we loved each other enough to want to listen to each other’s feelings. This was the beginning of something so beautiful and powerful.
So as I reflect on an image I found yesterday about marriage, I was so filled up because of the years we had struggled. But if not for those struggles our marriage would have never had a chance to bud and flourish into the 14 years of value that it has now. Our struggles have added visible value that we are both grateful for as we move forward with 14 years going on forever. Now we have truly discovered why ” two are better than one.” It took some time, but we have discovered and are grateful that our struggles added value worth fighting for.
What specific struggles have you had in your relationship that have added value to it?