5 Things You Need to Let Go of In Your Marriage

This year my husband and I will be celebrating TEN years of marriage! OMG I get goosebumps and revert to my teenaged googly-eyed self just thinking about it. Now, our anniversary is not until September but that won’t stop me from counting down and just thanking God for covering us and protecting our union. Plus, ever since we showed our kids our marriage videos (which we watch every September), they ask so many questions about the day, and where they were, etc. LOL. My girls just saw my boxed up wedding dress for the first time and are now begging me to see my “crown” that I wore.

Marriage has been a blessing. And like any other marriage, it didn’t come without its’ ups and downs, challenges and obstacles. So here is my most recent article I shared on BMWK on 5 Things You Need to Let Go of In Your Marriage This Week.


Like most little girls, our two girls are especially head over heels in love with Frozen, one more than the other. So it’s no surprise that one of my daugther’s Christmas gifts was a Frozen radio/MP3 player combo. As if she wasn’t already doing it, they can now belt out the songs of her choosing. If it’s one thing I’m reminded of constantly (even more now that I have to listen to it several dozen times a day), it’s to simply “let it go“.

So it made me ask myself: What are some things that I needed to let go of in marriage?

We can’t always control what happens, but we can always choose to control our reactions to what happens. When things don’t go our way, or when we have a really screwed up day, it’s easy for that cloud to hang over our heads. Or worse, to take our external frustrations out on our spouse. But it’s up to us to choose not to allow our own thoughts to “ruin a good today by thinking about a bad yesterday”. The more you keep repeating to yourself to let it go, the easier it becomes.

So when it comes to marriage, here are 5 things you need to let go of in marriage today:

1. Ego

We all have an ego. And if you feel like you don’t, then you just might be the one that needs to let it go even more. When it comes to certain situations, we have to be willing to let go of our ego. Sometimes it’s hard to be told about ourselves, especially when it comes from those closest to us. Marriage for me has definitely been my own personal development course. I had to accept the fact that my husband has a right to not always agree with me, or to tell me when he’s upset about something I did, without me having a fit (or giving him the “oh no you didn’t” look).

2. Historical Arguments

Some things are hard to get over. And whoever invented the phrase “forgive and forget” surely didn’t know what that meant. Yes we should forgive regularly but that doesn’t mean that you don’t remember past pains and hurts. However, what it does mean is that once you’ve decided that you’ve hashed everything out and are ready to move on, that’s exactly what you do: move on and move forward. Continuing to bring up past arguments and hurts only works to escalate an argument and rarely ever does it help the situation.

3. Lack of communication

Don’t allow past arguments or disagreements keep you from sharing openly and honestly with your spouse. Don’t put your guards up based on how historical arguments ended up. Learn to trust your spouse completely and if it’s something important to you, then discuss it with them. Allowing it to fester, will only build up a wall over time. But remember to always be respectful and use discernment to figure out the best time/way to bring up a difficult subject.

Click here to check out #’s 4 & 5….

Then let me know: What do you need to let go of in your marriage?

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11 Comments

  • Reply
    Dee @ Cocktails with Mom
    January 22, 2015 at 5:48 PM

    I totally agree with whats been mentioned in this article. Communication is something my husband and I are working on. No matter how big or small the situation is, we have agreed to “talk it out’ every time.
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    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      January 24, 2015 at 7:35 AM

      Thanks for sharing Dee, I truly believe that is the key to any successful relationship. I wasn’t always a good communicator and work to be better every day.

  • Reply
    Josselyne Hutchnz
    January 23, 2015 at 8:24 PM

    oh but of course… i can agree more! Historical Arguments…really who wants to live with someone who brings back the past? Forgive and move on. Marriage is like a mirror, it really shows you who you are… almost 7 years in, I am not the woman I was when I first got married! Thank you for highlighting these topics!

    • Reply
      Christine St.Vil
      January 24, 2015 at 12:34 AM

      Thanks so much for sharing Josselyne! I love that, “marriage is like a mirror” because it is soooooo true! I’m nowhere near who I was when we first got married either 🙂

  • Reply
    GinaB
    January 24, 2015 at 3:23 AM

    Great post. I’ve been married for 17 years and it has been a tremendous blessing.
    GinaB would like you to check out…OMS! Oh My Spin!My Profile

  • Reply
    Christine St.Vil
    January 24, 2015 at 12:34 PM

    Thanks so much for sharing Josselyne! I love that, “marriage is like a mirror” because it is soooooo true! I’m nowhere near who I was when we first got married either 🙂

  • Reply
    Holly
    January 24, 2015 at 1:32 PM

    Good points. These are great points and the basis of fuel for most arguments. I think this works in many different relationships. Sometimes you just gotta be like Disney’s Frozen and just ‘Let It Go’ too!
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  • Reply
    Rani Robinson-Kiganda
    January 24, 2015 at 1:49 PM

    Great post, Christine. Oh … where do I start?? LOL So many things to let go of: Not being thanked enough, silly attitudes that stem from BOTH of us being tired, etc. My husband and I have learned that it’s CRUCIAL for us to get in our “us” time and alone time – at least 1x a week for both. If we don’t, sometimes, it leads to war. LOL.
    Thanks again! XO
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  • Reply
    Khloé Gee
    January 25, 2015 at 5:52 PM

    That ego thing gets the best of me everytime…
    But I’m learning! We both are. Married 5 years..we still have a lot to learn and we’ve been through some hard times and still are but we are going strong to fight for each other to get to that 10th, 15th, 20th anniversary!

    loved this post!

    Thanks for sharing!

    Khloe,
    http://www.touchedmagazine.com

  • Reply
    Crystal
    January 26, 2015 at 8:36 AM

    I loved reading this post! I’m not married, but #4 hit home in a major way. It is the same in a relationship because you can’t expect your significant other’s relationship with his faith to be just like yours. It’s a personal journey. As I seek my future husband, this is something that I definitely think about when it comes to the pursuit of marital bliss.
    Crystal would like you to check out…30 Acts of Starkey: How I’m celebrating my 30th birthdayMy Profile

  • Reply
    5 Daily Choices You Need to Make to Thrive in Your Marriage - Moms 'N Charge®
    February 15, 2017 at 10:21 PM

    […] have a happy marriage, how to reduce conflict in our marriage, and even things we needed to learn how to let go of in our marriage. Through our highs and plateaus (cause I don’t speak life into “lows”), […]

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